Hi I'm Mike. Once I was Jesus, but then I shaved.
I like to go to dance clubs. But I never do the robot dance. Because, I mean, what if there were some robots there. They might get offended at the sterotype. See I have many robot friends, and none of them dance like that. Once, I saw an American Indian at a dance club doing the robot dance. This robot ran up to him and went, “Oh yeah, well hi-ya hi-ya hi-ya hi-ya… Don’t like that, do ya? Red man!”

I also collect instruments. guitars, basses, saxes, a cello, a table-saw, router, some guy with limp...

Guitars

I bet allot of guys were mad when the guitar was invented. Because before that, playing air-guitar was a pretty good way to get chicks.

The Viking Frankenstein

One day, the Vikings made a Frankenstein. They gave him a helmet with horns, and a spear, and sent him to terrorize the town. But the Viking Frankenstein forgot his helmet, and so all the towns-people thought he was just regular old Frankenstein. “Aaaaahhh! It’s Frankenstein,” the screamed. But of course they were wrong. It’s Viking Frankenstein. This hurt the Vikings’ feelings. So the Vikings taught the Viking Frankenstein how to sing opera. But this just confused everybody in the town. You see, rural folk tend to be more visually oriented.

Shoes

Once I was sad, because I had no shoes, but then I met a man who had no feet. So I stole his shoes. He wasn’t using them.