Lyrics

(Chorus)
For pills and potions we depend on you
So help us doctor, doctor help us do

A little shake a little nod
A little tap a little prod
It?s very clear that you?re in pain
So bend an ear and I?ll explain

Well it isn?t fibrositis
Swollen glands,appendicitis
Sinusitis,measles,mumps or even flu
But it?s clear from diagnosis
That this swelling where your toe is
Well it isn?t a thrombosis that?s for sure
Oh dear, oh dear the symptoms are quite clear

Oh you have Gout (did you say gout?)
Yes I said Gout (There?s such a lot of it about)
But there is nothing much to fear
(Please tell me doctor what to do)
Just take these pills three time a day
And they will ease your pain away
(Chorus)

Put out your tongue,say ninety nine
Open your mouth, say ah that?s fine
It?s very strange I do declare
You have a malady in there
And it isn?t laryngitis,silicosis or phlebitis
Meningitis, scarlet fever or the gripe
But it?s clear from diagnosis
That the swelling in your throat is
Strepticocci of a very common type
Oh dear, oh dear the symptoms are quite clear

It?s Mumps I fear, (it?s Mumps oh dear)
Yes Mumps my dear,there?s such a lot of it about
(Please tell me doctor what to do)
Just take these pills three times a day
And they will ease your pain away

(Chorus)

Your temperature is ninety five
Yet you look like a cherry pie
Your pulse rate count is eighty four
So there?s no doubt of it, I?m sure

That it isn?t tonsilitis,vertigo, conjunctivitis, or
Whooping cough that makes
your heart go at a race
But it?s clear from diagnosis
That you have a small neurosis
Which I find is very common at your age
Oh dear, oh dear the symptoms are quite clear
You?re lovesick my dear
(Yes I?m in love)
Yes you?re in love
(There?s such a lot of it about)
But there is nothing much to fear
(Please tell me doctor what to do)
Just steal a kiss three times a day
And it will ease your pain away

(Oh doctor we thank you)