Story Behind The Song

?This is a very personal song, written when I was between relationships. I remember being very sad at the time, and I think it was because I realized there was no one in my life I could be completely honest with - or perhaps no one I was willing to be honest with. The girl in the song is struggling with the endless paranoia that her lover is leaving her, and she is also dealing with a dark secret from her youth that leads her from one lie to the next. In the end, the lover proves to be deserving of trust - and lets her know that he/she is simply going out for groceries...the song is really about the fear of abandonment spiraling into a sad paranoia."

Lyrics

ALL THIS TIME
words & music by jen foster 1999
Won't you please tell me just where you're going
I'm on edge with this uncertainty
I know I have made it hard to get to know me
It's terrifying - you may not like what you see
And I know that you would love to break me down
But some things are just too hard to talk about

All this time I've been lyin', been lyin' to you
So afraid that you'd leave me if you knew the truth
All this time I've been tryin' to reach out to you
All this time I've been lyin', where you goin', where you goin'?

Please don't leave, I never meant to hurt you
I'm just locked up in this solitary pain
I learned young that keeping secrets is a virtue
What happened to me - I can't bring myself to say

And I know that if I say it, it is true
And I'm scared that you would leave me if you knew

All this time I've been lyin', been lyin' to you
So afraid that you'd leave me if you knew the truth
All this time I've been tryin' to reach out to you
All this time I've been lyin', where you goin', where you goin'?

As you leave I say a quiet prayer for mercy
One more time, just turn around and look at me
And as I pray, you say you never would desert me
"In fact, come with me - I was just going out for groceries."

And the stars fade out in the sky tonight
And the dawn breaks in and spreads the light
And I finally find the light?